selfcare – Making It with MK

Frozen February

The frozen Charles River from my window.

February was a frozen blur. Boston saw more snow this winter than we have in recent years, but the storms were small and dumped a few manageable inches every week or so. February is known to be the snowiest month here, and I think it has been so pretty and enjoyable.

(Of course, I’ve been able to work mostly from home, and haven’t had to trudge through the snow on icy city sidewalks this year!)

In the middle of the month, I had an enormous work project that required a few days of on-site work and interaction with a lot more people than I’ve been used to. I bought some warm winter gear, since I’d be outside in below-freezing temperatures for 10-hour days; I doubled-up on well-fitting face masks; and filled my pockets with little containers of hand sanitizer. Thankfully, all went well, I stayed healthy, and I got about 10,000 extra steps each day — much more than I’ve been getting since working from home!

Now that the stress of that work project is behind me, I’m back to channeling calm and reflecting on what’s truly important. Looking at the frozen Charles River outside my apartment, I’ve thought about how sometimes life just stands still. Hard times, dark moments, cold winter days — they can stop us in our tracks.

In that pause, there is an opportunity, and maybe a need, to take cover, protect ourselves, focus on self-preservation and self-care. As the hard times ease, as darkness ever so slowly fades into light, there is time for reflection.

Today, I noticed that the ice in the river had broken, and I saw an unfamiliar movement in the water — the river was flowing again.

The days are getting longer, with more sunlight in the sky each evening. The temperatures are warming, ever so slightly. Spring decorations are in stores, with fuzzy bunnies and hatching chicks symbolizing birth and renewal and the Easter promise of eternal life after death.

We are approaching the one-year mark of the pandemic shutdown. With vaccines becoming more and more available, and warmer weather returning, there is so much to hope for!

Traveling again, gathering with family and friends, giving hugs and kisses on cheeks!

It’s starting to feel like the ice is breaking, and life may start flowing along like the river.

What are you most looking forward to?

Gratitude

**“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” -Marcel Proust**

I recently read a bit on the science behind gratitude, and it’s fascinating.

By reducing the stress hormones and managing the autonomic nervous system functions, gratitude significantly reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety. At the neurochemical level, feelings of gratitude are associated with an increase in the neural modulation of the prefrontal cortex, the brain site responsible for managing negative emotions like guilt, shame, and violence.
PositivePsychology.com

As I embark on a path to heal my entire body from inflammation and stress, gratitude seems like a great new tool to try out.

The concept of gratitude came to mind last night as I was getting ready for bed. For the past few months, I’ve been having a little bit of ocular inflammation in my left eye, which is my “good” eye. Thankfully, my doctor is helping me manage it with eye drops and not systemic corticosteroids (which suppress your immune system and are scary to take during the COVID pandemic!)

I put the eye drops in my left eye and kept that eye closed for 30 seconds, as the instructions indicate. During that 30 seconds, I was reminded of the vision loss in my right eye. I looked in the mirror and could only see part of my reflection; the lower left quadrant of my vision is completely gone in that eye. The vision that remains is distorted, very blurry, and colors are muted to sepia tones. I picked up lotion and tried to read the small print on the back of the bottle with just my “bad” eye, and it was difficult. My poor peripheral vision in that eye made the text swirl as I concentrated on finding my focus and discerning each word.

In that moment, I was immensely relieved to open my left eye and have both eyes working together for improved vision once again. Vision loss is life changing, and while it is still scary to not know what the future holds for my battle with uveitis, I’m enormously grateful for the vision I still have right now.

I shut off the bathroom light, walked to the bedroom, and crawled into bed and reflected on the day and the week. It’s been a long one: the worsening pandemic and riot at the Capitol weighed heavy on my mind, and I struggled through some anxiety and very long work days this week, too. Life is hard right now.

Yet… My bed felt warm and soft and cozy. I remembered some very fun and meaningful exchanges I’d had with sweet friends throughout the week. My cute, little dog was quietly snoring in his bed on the floor. My husband texted me to let me know he was driving home from work. I’d eaten a warm and nutritious dinner. I used the remote to flip on the large flatscreen television to an array of shows and movies. With the help of my glasses, I could read all the text on the television from 20 feet away, in my spacious bedroom, in my safe home. In this moment, I recognized that I live a life of luxury compared to many people in the world, and there are countless things for which to be grateful.

Going into the weekend, there is more opportunity for quiet time, for relaxation, reflection, and self-care. It’s a nice time to sit back and think… What are YOU grateful for?

Chakras!

It’s the start of the work week, after a holiday break, in New England where it is dark at 4:00pm and freezing cold all day long, during a pandemic. Is there anything more BLAH than that?! My work today was not very creative, there were literally hundreds of emails, and I finished the day feeling very uninspired.

After dinner, I decided to nourish my soul with some yoga and meditation. A few years ago, I learned a little bit about chakras, and how if they are unbalanced or blocked, you can feel really off. It’s very interesting, and I’d like to learn more. For now, there are lots of guided meditations and yoga programs, so I started with my Root Chakra and did a yoga program and a guided meditation.

I lit a lovely scented candle called “Angel Whispers” (which I got at the Dollar Store!) and it made for some peaceful and relaxing ambiance.

If anyone knows about chakras, I’d love to hear more! Please share any comments or links!

Namaste.

A Fresh Start

A lot has happened since I started this blog.

Most obviously, the global pandemic that continues to wreak all the havoc that I feared in my last blog post. As predicted, the virus spread like wildfire after Thanksgiving. I’ve known several people who have contacted COVID-19, and it is scary and awful! I’m continuing to wash and sanitize my hands, wear a mask whenever I’m outside of my home, and keep 6-feet distance whenever possible. The vaccines bring much promise for an end to the pandemic, but we have a ways to go before it’s truly “over.” I hope everyone reading this is staying safe and healthy!

The pandemic made the recent holidays look much different than we were used to, which was a little depressing. I truly tried to stave off the sadness. I tried hours of Christmas music, many cups of hot cocoa, many more Christmas cookies and treats, and countless utopian Hallmark Christmas movies. I bought way too many presents for my husband, and even bought a few cozy Christmas sweaters and sparkly snowflake earrings for myself. Nothing really helped because it couldn’t replace what I was really missing: the togetherness that comes along with the holidays. I missed the crowded parties with my coworkers and friends! I missed going to church, seeing all the beautiful decorations, and singing along with the hundreds of others in the pews around me. Most of all, I missed seeing family members, gathering together for a meal, and giving hugs!

Last night, New Year’s Eve, was a quiet night in. As a final “Quarantine Activity” of 2020, I attempted to turn my apartment into a nightclub so that my husband and I could really “party.” I blew up balloons, created a special VIP lounge, cooked up some yummy tapas, and chilled some bubbly wine. My husband thought it was very exciting, and it was fun… for about two hours. Then, like most people we know, we were ready to go to bed and have 2020 be over, once and for all!

And now, here we are. New Year’s Day. January 1, 2021. A fresh start.

I started this blog in 2019, when my new year’s resolution (two years ago!) was to share my voice after “a tough year.” If only January 2019 Me could see January 2021 Me! She’d never believe all that we’ve been through.

I started writing this blog in October 2019. I was in the middle of my third uveitis flare, and it was only a few months after my father died. In November 2019, my husband and I were surprised and overjoyed with a pregnancy. Then 8 weeks later, we were devastated by a miscarriage. Grief overtook my entire world, and the combination of losses left me reeling into January 2020, when we started hearing some unnerving details of a novel coronavirus. Less than six weeks later, the world shutdown.

In April, amidst the lockdown, I began losing my vision again and started treatment for a fourth uveitis flare (which I can now attribute, with almost 100% certainty, to stress). We acknowledged the one year anniversary of my father’s passing in July, closing out a year of painful “firsts” without him. Throughout all that, my husband and I have wrestled with the concept of “trying to conceive” after loss (and during a pandemic!), and all along, I have been mentally acknowledging another year of painful “firsts” … All the occasions that I was experiencing for the first time without a baby in my arms: the first Mother’s Day since the miscarriage, the baby’s due date had he/she survived, and worst of all, the anniversary of the loss itself, which literally brought me to my knees.

My head hasn’t stopped spinning. But maybe it’s starting to slow down.

It’s time for a renewed resolution.

We have many more months of distancing, staying home, and slowing the spread of the continued pandemic, so there is plenty of time to focus on betterment:
– More frequent and well-practiced writing (which is truly a passion and beloved hobby I’ve neglected for so long!)
– Focused efforts on physical health (for myself and any little ones that God might bless us with)
– Reflection, meditation, and careful attention to self-care and mental health (as, unsurprisingly, my old friend Anxiety has started creeping around lately)

The times we are living in are truly wild, remarkable, and unprecedented. I got a good laugh out of this meme:

I hope you are finding some memes that make you laugh, and I hope you are taking time for self-care as the difficult days drag on. Have you made any resolutions for 2021? Or is it enough that we just try to make it through?

xo
MK