Really OK!

This weekend, my husband and I went on a roadtrip from Boston to Baltimore to see our very good friends. We had the trip planned for a while, and we were SO looking forward to it, so we decided to go despite the health troubles I’m having. I was VERY nervous about it, but my husband is my rock, my calm, and my warrior. He confidently reassured me that everything would be OK… To be honest, I didn’t 100% believe him, but he is the logical, rational, pragmatic one in our relationship. So I challenged my anxiety, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and off we went to Baltimore.

Some things that I was nervous about:

  1. What if I had a complication with my vision?
  2. What if I got really sick from my medication?
  3. What if the car broke down?

To me, these were very real concerns, and the consequences felt almost catastrophic:

  1. Being vision-limited far away from home and from my doctors felt so scary!
  2. Getting sick at home is uncomfortable; getting sick while traveling feels like a nightmare.
  3. The car breaking down on the highway could be dangerous AND expensive!

So, with these anxieties and potential outcomes, I had two options:

  1. Stay home
  2. Push through!

Like I said, we decided to go. I pushed through my anxieties (of course, with my sweet husband’s support), and you know what happened?

EVERYTHING WAS REALLY OK!

  1. My vision was stable.
  2. I did get a little sick from my medicine, but I managed it.
  3. The car didn’t breakdown.

In fact, there were some additional outcomes that I hadn’t obsessed about:

  1. It was so wonderful to spend time with our friends, and my heart filled up with happiness.
  2. I slept in *the* most comfortable hotel bed ever!
  3. We explored a new city and made amazing memories.

If we had stayed home, we would’ve missed out on all that!

Now, for a couple of disclaimers:

  • I have had generalized anxiety disorder my entire life, and it has been a CHALLENGE. Somedays, anxiety just takes over, and it is in my best interest to NOT push myself. Anxiety doesn’t mean you’re weak; sometimes it’s a sign that you’ve been strong for too long! It’s important to balance, learn yourself, and love yourself no matter what. Somedays you are kind and gentle, and somedays you find the strength to push yourself. Optimism that things can be really OK can help you muscle-up that strength!
  • I am beyond blessed to have my husband. I know how fortunate I am to have him as a partner and enormous source of support. I remember the days before dating him when I had to struggle on my own, and there were some really dark times. For anyone who is feeling alone, I encourage you to reach out and make connections: friends, family members, doctors, counselors, support groups, church communities, and hotlines are all out there as resources. It can be hard to reach out for help, but you don’t have to go it alone!

The next time that I’m feeling really nervous and anxious about a situation, I hope I look back on Baltimore for perspective. Instead of thinking, “what if something goes wrong?” maybe I can think “what if everything goes right?”

Weekend in Baltimore? I made it!

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